Makeup artist Pete Hegseth wonders if the coast is clear

 

He appears to be suffering from a case of overcompensation.

AI-generated image:  Manus 1.6 Lite

Headline:  The Borowitz Report, 7/22/2026

Borowitz satirizes our worst Defense Secretary ever:

“In order to be Secretary of War, I have to be Secretary of Warpaint,” he told reporters. “And my warpaint is by Estée Lauder.” 

“Being blessed with off-the-charts testosterone has enabled me to perform with extreme lethality,” he said. “Make no mistake: I am lethal with an eyebrow pencil.” 

In perhaps his boldest claim, Hegseth said that his makeup technique proved that he had the highest level of testosterone in the Trump administration, with the possible exception of Jeanine Pirro.

Related posts:

February-April 2026

Pete Hegseth unleashes his inner child.  (4/30) 

This should be great for the morale of Pete Hegseth navy.  (3/19)

Pete Hegseth at the podium:  This is exactly what an authoritarian's henchman and fulltime sycophant would say.  (3/4)

Apparently, coordination is not Pete Hegseth's strong suit.  (3/2).  

It appears that Pete Hegseth's Department of Defense wants to use AI for mass surveillance of Americans.  (2/21) 

Meet Pete Hegseth, nitwit.  (2/12)
Showing the difference between a Mexican cartel drone and a party balloon in one easy lesson.  (2/11)

Sowing chaos, Trump administration specialty (El Paso airport edition).  (2/11)

November-December 2025

Pete Hegseth, amoral incompetent heading up an out-of-control Department of War.  (12/3)

Calley-fication of Trumps Department of War under Pete Hegseth ("Passing the Buck").  (12/2)

Just in case you're wondering, William Calley was initially sentenced to life in prison but ultimately served 3 1/2 years under house arrest.  (11/29)

August-October 2025

Blood-curdling, blood-thirsty world of Pete Hegseth and Donald Trump.  (10/4)

Big Boy sign calls out Hegseth and Trump for their inane, insane remarks at GOP performative event .  (10/2)

Military fitness and grooming guru Pete Hegseth gives a poorly received performance.  (10/1)

Military fitness and grooming head case Pete Hegseth comes up for air and spouts some scary stuff.  (10/1)

Flighty Pete Hegseth throws fitness and grooming hissy fit at confab of generals.  (9/30)

Meet the always cringeworthy Pete Hegseth.  (8/19)

Meet Department of Defense secretary Pete Hegseth, troglodyte.  (8/10)

June 2025

West Point graduate Lucien K. Truscott IV gives Trump's bonehead defense secretary Pete Hegseth a much-needed history lesson.  (6/27)Mimbo news bulletin:  When Trump sycophants go off the deep end (Pete Hegseth edition) .  (6/27)

Maybe Trump's pique over his puny parade is what gets Pete Hegseth fired.  (6/17)

Excuses, excuses:  Why these Republicans aren't attending Trump's birthday party military parade in Washington DC.  (6/14)

March-May 2025

CARRIER OVERBOARD!!!!  This is your U.S. Department of Defense under the woefully incompetent leadership of Pete Hegseth.  (5/2)

"Woke" is anything that scares Republican men shitless.  (4/30)

Trump's kids at play:  Pete Hegseth's emoji fest puts America's military at risk.  (3/29)

U.S. military pilots beg to differ with hire-a-clown-expect-a-circus Pete Hegseth.  (3/28)

Hire a clown, expect a circus.  (3/26)

February 2025

As you would expect, wholly unqualified and incompetent Pete Hegseth is off to an awful start as DOD secretary.  (2/18)

Trump MAGA GOP:   Freedom of speech  for me but not for thee (Pete Hegseth edition).  (2/3)

January 2025

Senate Republicans cower and cave in vote to approve drunk Pete Hegseth as Secretary of Defense. (1/25)

Iowa U.S. Senator Joni Ernst cowers and caves.  (1/17)

December 2024

Spineless Joni Ernst cowers and caves.  (12/10)

It appears that Iowa Senator Joni Ernst just damned Pete Hegseth with faint praise. (12/5/2024)

Will Trump party boy Pete Hegseth survive the nomination process?  (12/5)

Pete Hegseth:  Trump kind of guy.  (12/2)

November 2024

Group of U.S. senators present master class in cowering in the face of Trump (Pete Hegseth edition).  (11/22)

Meet Trump's unvetted Department of Defense nominee Pete Hegseth.  (11/21)

13 reasons why Trump's atrocious  Department of Defense nominee Pete Hegseth should have been vetted.  (11/18)