Read chapter 99 here
Photo by Retiring Guy
It could have turned out much differently – Andy living with us since the start of the pandemic nine month ago. Instead of a seamless transition, it might have put a significant strain on our easy-going relationship with him. It greatly helped that he was employed at the time. (Having dodged a bullet the previous month.) In fact, we welcomed him back, knowing the isolation of living and working remotely in a 300-square-foot apartment would make him feel
isolated, cut off from the rest of the world suddenly beset with restrictions on movement. JoAnna even set up a workspace for him in the dining area of the house.
The situation could have unraveled after BSN Sports furloughed most of its employees in mid-May, the pandemic having put a big dent in company’s sports-related business. Andy could have turned morose, sitting around the house, watching TV and playing video games all day. By this time, though, all of the disc golf courses in the area had reopened for the season, Andy meeting
friends to play as many as 5-6 times a week. (Token Creek is one of his most frequent destinations.) He also got together on a regular basis with a friend who loved to cook meats in his smoker – an outdoor activity that encourages social distancing. Andy even brought home some leftovers on occasion.
New York Times, 12/18/2020
The headline grabbed my attention as I leafed through the December 18th New York Times. Ever since Eddie left for college in September 2009, it seems as though there’s a revolving door on the empty nest at 1720 Mayflower Drive. Which is why the opening paragraphs of the article resonated so sharply.
Right now, though, we have a long road ahead of us. Who really knows yet what the new normal has to offer empty nests are starting to feel a bit full. Young adults are returning to their parents’ homes with plans to stay for a few weeks, a few months or an undefined period with an ever-rolling end date. Many have been back in their childhood bedrooms for months: A Pew Research Center survey found that more than half of people between the ages of 18 and 29 were living with their parents in July. That figure was higher than at any time since the Great Depression.
And if Eddie had stayed in place in 2017 and continued to work as a bartender at The Avenue Club, we’d even have a fuller nest right now. He spent many busy and remunerative hours working behind the bar, and JoAnna and I were happy make regular visit to the Avenue, sitting at the bar at the far end, ordering off the menu, and watching Eddie keep pace to the restaurant’s fast rhythm.)
Unfortunately, The Avenue is one of 4 Food Fight establishments – there’s about 20 in all in the Madison area, each with a unique décor and menu – that have temporarily closed during the pandemic, none of them, due to their locations, having any space for
outdoor dining and unable to generate sufficient number of take-out and delivery orders to make a go of it until Covid occupancy restrictions are lifted.
Luckily for Eddie, he followed a call to adventure and made a move to, as he phrased it when he decided to take a solo trip to Europe, “shake things up”. (He certainly accomplished this mission!)
The New York Times article offers a few adaptation strategies for moving back in with Mom and Dad.
1. Give each other, parents and child, some space.
2. Renegotiate established relationship patterns.
3. Avoid old habits.
For Andy, adaptation means participating in meal planning, although JoAnna and I still buy most of the groceries. Andy takes his turn when we order takeout meals and replenish certain staples. (Like eggs. He loves his eggs for breakfast.) We don’t charge him rent, but he’s expected to do his own laundry, make his bed every day, and pitch in with household chores. Part of the game plan is to encourage Andy to save money now that he has fewer expenses, perhaps enough for a down payment on a condo, a goal for which JoAnna consistently lobbies. I don’t sense that Andy is looking that far ahead. He just wants his life to get back to the place it was a year ago at this time.
It’s gotta be tough, living through a time when you feel you’re constantly treading water — in motion but not moving forward. For Andy, the most frustrating part of the pandemic is the inability to socialize and pursue a relationship. He still reaches out on Tinder and whatever other dating apps he uses but isn’t ready to meet up, to get together with someone for coffee or a beer. He says he won’t feel comfortable going out until after he’s vaccinated. And even then, he still won’t behave as though it’s the Before Time. A path that many others plan to take.
The graphic that accompanies the New York Times headline struck me as naïve. A single suitcase? Not even close! JoAnna and I helped Andy move out of his apartment, which required two cars and multiple trips to and from the parking lot. He rented a U-Haul van to transport some furnishings and
numerous boxes to a storage unit. Perhaps the better illustration is the accompanying photo.
Clearly, not all old habits are being avoided.
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