Sunday, July 18, 2021

GET ME REWRITE: Rodney Rothman saw through this nonsense more than 20 years ago


Congratulations on your purchase of the ToastTek SmartToaster. The world's first toaster with Tomorrow's Toaster Technology Today! 
Finally, a household toaster that performs to its potential! Blazing fast 1 gigahertz Athlon microchip! Lightning-quick coaxial Internet link! SmartToaster can and will revolutionize the art of toasting! 
After just a few uses, SmartToaster begins learning your personal toasting preferences. Is lightly browned rye your thing? SmartToaster will know! Do you crave a pizza bagel at 4 a.m.? SmartToaster will remember and not pass judgment! 
By interfacing with your refrigerator, SmartToaster knows when you are running low on bread. It will e-mail the nearest grocery store and order a fresh loaf. When the bread arrives, SmartToaster will electronically sign for the delivery. SmartToaster makes toast before you even realize you want toast. And if you decide you don't want toast after all, SmartToaster will eat the toast for you.

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